A therapists tips for recognizing your own toxic behavior

A therapists tips for recognizing your own toxic behaviorA therapists tips for recognizing your own toxic behaviorToxicrelationships arent as saucy and exciting asBritney Spearsmade them out to be. Being able to distinguish whether a relationship is noxious - Is your partnergaslightingyou? Are they anarcissist? - is actually vital to your safety and mental health. But statistically, noteveryonecan be on the receiving end of harmful actions Many of us have problematic habits ourselves (though hopefully, they dont equate to emotional or psychological abuse). Toxic behavior manifests in many different forms, some more severe than others, so SoCal-based psychotherapist andProspect Therapyowner Sara Stanizai is here to help us spot ours and then put a stop to them.1. Get feedback from your loved onesWarning This step is the hardest, so dont stop reading just yet. Because honest introspection is so difficult, hearing firsthand from a person you may be hurting (whether theyre a family mem ber, S.O., friend) about how youre hurting them is the most direct way to discern your toxic habits. But you need to make it safe and comfortable for them to do so. Its a significant step that youre even indicating a desire to adjust your behavior, so that should be a cue to them that its okay to discuss this topic with you.Its up to them to speak up, but its also up to you to make it safe for them to speak up, Stanizai tells us. The number one way to do this is not to be defensive. Even if its an ouch when they say something.Instead, for the most productive results, process the information theyre providing you, and then express your feelings and reactions at a later time.It takes some time because they may still be hesitant, especially if you have a habit of exploding or shutting down, Stanizai says. But as they see you genuinely be open to what they say, they are more likely to say it in the future and will be kind about saying it too.2. Be open to others inputStanizai suggests jo ining a healthy relationships group (I know, not for everyone, she adds) or reading topical books. zu sich fave isHow to Be an Adultby David Richo. The healthy relationships groups - which can be mixed-gender, single-gender, or religious- or age-specific, according to the therapist - cover subjects such as anger management, healthy boundaries, sex and intimacy, and finances.Whats nice about groups is that those with more experience can help people less familiar with a topic, Stanizai encourages. That way, when someone with experience calls you out on your toxic behavior, youre more likely to hear it because youve built a trusting relationship with that person.Whether the advice or constructive criticism is from an author or another member of your therapy group, outsiders can typically offer a more objective perspective on a situation with no skin off their back, Stanizai explains, unlike a person being directly affected by your behavior.3. Start walking the walkNow that youve pinp ointed your harmful habits, its time to address them. To start, this simply means making up for them - and going all out.Im talking, the cheesiest, most romantic things you can think of, Stanizai says. But make sure its something they would want. Some people dont like you touching their carShe proposes gestures such as preparing meals, buying flowers, and thanking them for everything they do for you. It will feel silly, but it will also send a message that youre willing to do what it takes.Once youve incorporated these actions into your routine, they will likely stay there. However, the specifics of how to correct your problematic behavior (e.g., passive aggression, being controlling, being manipulative) will be on a case-by-case basis.This article welches originally posted on Brit + Co.